The last two months have been an incredibly tough time for me. I am a bit cross with myself for not acknowledging that it was going to be so tough. For not blocking out 19 November to 16 January as being a difficult time and marking it off for self-care. But as life goes on, I live and learn.
It was my first Christmas as an orphan…but I am grateful that I have an amazing chosen family, my in-laws and my child’s God Parents. That I have people who I can be honest with, that will let me have a good cry on the couch and then bring me tea and cheerfully joke with me, and love me at my best and worst, and every stage in between.
I don’t know if I just got burnt out. It is inadvisable to be working, worrying about a police investigation, supervising an estate’s executor, organising a conference, grieving, mommying a toddler, managing a house while your helper is on maternity leave, being a wife and I am sure there is something else without having more help. But this is changing. My mind is foggy, my body strained. But I survived, and 2017 is off to a much better start than 2016.
Twenty-sixteen was the most difficult year of my life, and I think that it might be the year that I learnt the most from. I did not achieve the goals that I set out to, but then life happened in a different way and I got other stuff done instead.
I have a top secret list of things that I want to achieve this year (and include the reason that I am writing a blog post twenty minutes before midnight on a Saturday night). I don’t know if I will manage a fraction of it. What I do know is this. I would rather try and fail than succeed at not showing up.